Don't Let Struggle Overshadow Joy
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” Philippians 4:8.
I like to think that I’m tough as nails, but as I sat sobbing to my Assistant Supervisor this morning, I realized that I’m just a big softie. The tears weren’t caused by any traumatic event or big blow up-- just from pent-up frustration at my situation and disappointment in myself.
When I took this job, I thought anyone could work with kids. I thought I would learn quickly and impress my staff. Before I knew it I would be promoted and leading a team. How very, very wrong I was. Not only am I bad with huge groups of kids, but it turns out, I kind of hate working with them.
Just writing that down makes me feel like a bad person. What sort of a woman hates teaching children? You must have already changed your opinion about me just from reading the past few sentences. I feel like a failure. And as I spilled it all out to my supervisor this morning, the tears started rolling. Not just from this specific job, but also a general built up confusion and hurt from nothing in my career life working out.
I came home, ate a huge maple bacon donut, and cried out to God for help. Surely God wants to bless me, right? Of course, this is the part when I realized what a dope I’ve been. God has been blessing me-- in my love life, my church life, my friendships and family, my home life with roommates, and a hundred other areas. Just because one small piece of the puzzle isn’t fitting, I act like the whole thing is a mess. If I could just step back for long enough, maybe I could see the whole picture and realize what a beautiful work God is making. If I let one pain overcome a healthy life, I will always feel sick. Us humans need something to work on, something to strive for- a purpose.
God, may I find my purpose in you. May I not let a negative outlook overcome so many positive, thriving parts of my life. Such abundance you have poured out. Open my eyes to it.
WRITTEN BY SARAH WITMER