Good Things Can Be Hard

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings” Psalm 61:1.

We sat inside my car, three levels below ground, streetlight reflecting off the tears streaming down my face. I was sobbing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath and kept hiccuping like a little kid.

This is the part where you expect me to say we broke up or someone died, but nothing was specifically wrong. Nothing was going right either.

How many times had I prayed, begging God to meet my future husband and fall in love? Now, here we were: planning my wedding. And I was miserable. I just couldn’t handle all the stress on top of two jobs and several other commitments. What almost made it worse was that nothing major had happened, so I felt really stupid for being so upset. I was ashamed of my inability to handle it all. Wasn’t this a blessing? So why did it feel like a burden sometimes?

Just the day before, one of my best friends text me about her new job. She was finally working again, and for a company she absolutely loved! The only problem: she had a crappy first day and was sad. Not only that, but she felt guilty for being sad when she felt like she should be over the moon with joy. I told her to not be so hard on herself. She was doing the best she could and needed to be kind to herself. Yet, less than 24 hours later I couldn’t give myself the same advice.

Just because something is a blessing doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. God opens doors and lets the sun shine on us, but we still have to walk through the uncharted wilderness and sometimes trudge through the mud. Stop being so hard on yourself today. Sometimes I picture God desperately wanting to just hug us and tell us we’re doing just fine.

Dear Lord, help me relax and take a deep breath.  Let your air fill my lungs as I breathe out all the troubles of the world. I won’t remember all these details in the years to come. Help me forget them now.