Feeling Like a Failure
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” Matthew 11: 28-19.
Spit in my eye. That little brat actually just spit in my eye. The shock of this moment was almost laughable if I had only known what else was to come. It was my first day on the job working for the YMCA and this position was not at all what I had been expecting. I was totally unprepared for the (multiple) fistfights, screaming and scratching, and the pounding headache that followed.
I wanted to quit, and it wasn’t even because of the kids. As I held back my tears, I knew it went deeper than that. I wasn’t sad; I was frustrated. This is the fourth job I’ve started since I quit my career in TV, trusting that God would provide something else. Something more. Something meaningful that I could devote myself to. I made an agreement with myself, and God, that I would give myself grace for two years to try new jobs and quit if they weren’t right for me or to fail if I wasn’t right for them.
I’m not quite one year into this agreed-upon time with myself and the reality is much harder than I anticipated. I don’t like quitting. I hate failing. It’s uncomfortable and exhausting. But if I don’t take this time to figure it out now, I know I will have a much harder time in the long run.
Dear Lord, give me patience and strength. Your timelines don’t always fit into the man-made arrangements I’ve set my mind to. Please guide me day by day and show me the way. May I find my meaning in you, not in any job I find.
WRITTEN BY SARAH WITMER