Turns Out, I Don't Have it All Figured Out
“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long” Psalm 25: 4-5.
I feel like the writing process has somehow healed me. As if the words I type out have fixed the broken and messy areas of my heart. And for about 24 hours, things feel pretty great. All of those mixed up jumbly feelings are sorted out. My guilt and shame erased. My anxieties soothed. My relationships restored.
Then something will happen and it all comes crashing down again: that one guy sends you a text message out of the blue, your stable job starts to feel a little wobbly. Or that anxiety attack in the car leaves you feeling exhausted.
This happened to me yesterday and I was left lying on my couch, complaining to my best friend about how we learn these life lessons, and then have to re-learn them again and again, leaving us feeling like the biggest hypocrites out there.
It’s simple though. God is just reminding us, “Hey, you can’t do this life on your own, ya know? You need me!” He loves us and cares for us each so very much, that he is willing to let us go through these things to help us grow. These lessons learned over and over are God’s way of showing us how badly we need Him. We need Him. We need him daily. We need him desperately.
Thank you Father for reminding me of my insane need for you in my life! I can’t do this on my own, and it is foolish of me to think I can! Help me to rest in this healing process and to be OK when it happens again and again
WRITTEN BY JILLIAN ALBERT