I Thought I'd Be Married By Now

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you” Psalm 38:9.

I always thought that when I moved out, it would be with my future husband. And now that I am doing this on my own (as a 30-something), a part of me feels like I am mourning the loss of a dream.

I found myself crying (I’m not kidding-- it was a full blown sob fest) in the middle of the dishtowel aisle in Target. I didn’t want to spend all of my money on these items that I pictured purchasing (or better yet- registering for) with my husband. That six-dollar dishtowel was a reminder of my loneliness that I was afraid to confront. I bought a couch and when it got delivered I laid on it and cried.

Now I’m laying on that same couch, binge-watching “America’s Next Top Model” on Hulu. It’s been almost a month now, living on my own. Sometimes the reminder that I am alone is rough, and sometimes I simply enjoy it! It's hard to take my day-to-day situations and learn from them, but I know that God is teaching me and stretching me and growing my faith during this time.

 God, thank you that our “sighs” are not hidden from you. Help us to be mindful of the lessons you are teaching us during the hard times that we go through.


Sarah Witmer