Motherhood: Young, Single & Bewildered.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7.

I will never forget the day my daughter was born. I was 21 years old, a single mother, and bewildered. I never absorbed the idea that I was responsible for the life of another person until I held her in my arms. Our first night in the hospital, they laid her to sleep in a rolling bassinet beside my bed. There we were, in silence, just her and I.

You see, you always want more for your children than what you received, and if that’s the case, then I had big shoes to fill. My parents loved me, both of them. I was both overwhelmed with all-encompassing love for my new daughter, and grief that with just a mother, she was starting off only a day old with less than I ever had.

I don’t remember the exhaustion from the labor or how tired I must have been, but I remember hearing her cry that night. I wanted to walk over to comfort her, but after surgery I couldn’t walk for at least one day. I panicked with thoughts racing through my head about what she needs and what could possibly be ailing her, and then I cried, helplessly. The nurse came in and picked my newborn bundle up and gently laid her on my chest. The moment her skin touched mine... peace. Of all the possibilities that chased through my head of what I felt my daughter didn’t have, I failed to realize that all she craved in that moment was my love. 

Maybe you have a situation you’ve become so buried in that you can’t see the light. So here is where the beauty of Christ comes in “peace, which surpasses all understanding..” So this is my prayer today for you, my friend:

God, I don’t understand what your complete plan is for me yet. In the midst of trials, I am confused as to Your purpose. Jesus, I pray that in the moments where I do not understand, that you will give me peace. Jesus, even when I have every reason to be anxious, that you would bless me with peace, knowing that you are in control.