When Your Husband Cheats: Part 4

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20

It's easy to give advice if you've never walked a day in someone’s shoes. You observe the situation, analyze your perspective and then make an emotional decision based on what you believe you would do and what you believe the outcome will be. We've all done it. What we sometimes don't realize is that in sharing that advice, we tend to hurt the ones we are trying to protect. 


After my husband’s affair came out there was a big decision that had to be made. Will I stay or will I go? Most who cared about me were eager to voice their opinion on the matter. They never wanted to see me hurt like this ever again. I know it was them trying to protect me, but all my heart really needed was a little less advice and for someone to sit with me and hold my hand while I cried for hours, and then hug me until I felt less alone. 

The choice to fight for my marriage wasn’t an easy one. At the time, it felt like a lose/lose situation for me. If I stayed I would be considered weak. Not to mention the healing of our marriage and the countless days of arguments- hashing out all the crap we just walked through. If I left I would be starting all over again but as a single mother, while also dealing with the emotional trauma of this affair by myself. 

Even in the confusion, I never let go of the Lord. You see, by now Jesus and I were pretty tight and I knew what He wanted me to do. I would choose to stay and fight. It wasn’t the easy way out and it was going to be a tough road, but I knew in my spirit this was what He was preparing me for. Even today I sometimes find myself offering advice on circumstances I’ve never faced, but very gently the Lord reminds me that I need to be quick to listen and slow to speak, because sometimes all someone needs or wants is a big hug and a hand to hold.

Lord, thank you for reminding me that a friend can speak volumes with only a gesture.