The Struggle to be Skinny

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own” 1 Corinthians 6:19.

I’m trying so hard to be healthy. Okay, not just to be healthy, but to lose weight. I want to feel good about myself. I know most of that has to do with internal peace and less with outward appearance and blah blah blah. But let’s be brutally honest here for a second. How I feel about my body affects a lot more of my life than I’d like to admit to anyone…least of all myself.

I want to fit into my pants. I want to throw on a dress and not be mad that my arm rolls are spilling out of the sleeves. I want to feel confident when I head out each day, not that I’m the most attractive, but that I don’t have to even think about my appearance because I’m fine with it.

And I think it’s okay to not be comfortable with where you’re at. That’s what sparks change. Healthy change. My change is coming in baby steps. I got a gym membership. I actually go to the gym. I try to drink less coffee and less wine. I eat more fruits and veggies. These little things added up, and for two weeks there, I was feeling great. The pounds weren’t melting off, but I felt healthier. I felt stronger.

That strength buckled under the weight of the Holidays. Christmas hit like a tidal wave of calories. The harder I try at this, the harder I fail. I used to not even have to think about being healthy. Now it's all I seem to think about. 

God created me for so much more than this current obsession. The purpose of my life isn’t to be skinny.

His heart aches for all the women starving themselves, so unhappy with the beautiful and intricate bodies He gave them, no matter how thin they are. We have so much more to offer the world than our pretty faces. Why do we still, after all this time and effort to be equal with men, think that our purpose each day is to be as attractive as possible?

I don’t know what the purpose of my life is yet, but I know it’s not to be thin. I know that I can’t love others fully when I’m so focused on myself. I know that to thrive and be happy I need to let go of the distraction of how my pants fit today.

God, please father, refocus our energy on how to live better lives, not how to be smaller. Widen our perspectives past our bodies and fill our self worth with peace. May being healthy be less of a struggle and more of a natural outcome of worshipping you with our entire lives.

WRITTEN BY SARAH WITMER

Sarah Witmer